Busy Bee Mama

When I was 12, I went through a big trauma in my life. Going through trauma and becoming a teenager at the same time is not a good mix. The way to cope with it? Rebel. Rebel. Rebel. I started doing the stereotypical rebellious things: dressing in black, listening to rock/metal/alternative music, and using bad language. I didn't want to be cool. I wanted to be someone else. I wanted to feel better. This was long before I had a struggle with anxiety and depression. I was depressed at the time, but no where near what I feel now as an adult. I didn't want to feel weak or be perceived as weak so I wanted to feel a way to cope. How did I cope? With cigarettes. My mother was a smoker for as long as I can remember and probably even before I can remember. When she felt stressed, she smoked. After she ate dinner, she smoked. In the car, she smoked. Relatively, I felt like my mother was someone who was 1) my role model at the time and 2) she had her shit together. As an adult...

Goals and Resolutions for 2017 Marathon/Run .  I would like to either run in a marathon or a fun-run type activity. I am not good at running or walking for that matter, so that is one thing I'd like to do in 2017. Niagara Falls .  The farthest north I have ever been is Connecticut. I would love to travel to Niagara Falls and just feel the mist on my face. Plus, I would love to drive on over to Canada. Maybe I'll do that one next year. Go to the beach .  As a person who lived near the beach for 14 years of their life, I never liked the beach. I went to one in 2015 (the Bahamas) and fell in love with it. I want to go this year with Jude since he has never seen a beach (except in pictures).  Toes in Lake Erie .  I do not know how sanitary or legal it would be. I want to stick my toes in Lake Erie.  A trip to Washington, D.C .  I have not been in a while. I mainly want to sight-see. Monuments and museums all day every day. Cruise .  Not parti...

Dear 2017, As every year, I would expect this year to be better than the last. That was not necessarily the case. There was so much that happened. I started my blog on January 1st 2017. This blog. This blog has changed from being something that I wanted to seem professional (more like a newspaper, journal, or magazine) to being whatever I felt I wanted it to be. It's made it so much more enjoyable. Jude turned 3 this year. He starts school in August 2018. Isn't that insane? This year has been pretty good for Jude. He's increased his verbal skills, knowledge, and motor skills tremendously. I feel like he's a mini genius, but maybe I'm just biased. He's really done a lot to my stress level and happiness level. Both going two different directions. 2017 was mean to me and I almost felt like I was going to let that bully win, but Jude makes life worth living so here I am. My depression and anxiety returned almost as bad as it did in 2011. In 2011, I really h...