A Letter to 2017

Dear 2017,

As every year, I would expect this year to be better than the last. That was not necessarily the case. There was so much that happened. I started my blog on January 1st 2017. This blog. This blog has changed from being something that I wanted to seem professional (more like a newspaper, journal, or magazine) to being whatever I felt I wanted it to be. It's made it so much more enjoyable.

Jude turned 3 this year. He starts school in August 2018. Isn't that insane? This year has been pretty good for Jude. He's increased his verbal skills, knowledge, and motor skills tremendously. I feel like he's a mini genius, but maybe I'm just biased. He's really done a lot to my stress level and happiness level. Both going two different directions. 2017 was mean to me and I almost felt like I was going to let that bully win, but Jude makes life worth living so here I am.

My depression and anxiety returned almost as bad as it did in 2011. In 2011, I really hit rock bottom with my mental health. Since then, it's been manageable. Starting in April 2017, it has gotten progressively worse. I hate that it's reached this point where I may actually have to be on medication to control my anxiety and depression again. I really hate taking medication. So, thanks again, 2017, for dropping me to my knees when it came to my mental health. The best part of having a mental health problem is that if you go to a doctor with any other problems, they instantly blame your mental health. At least that's what I found out in 2017. I had medical problems ignored for months because they would treat me with antibiotics and blame the rest of anxiety. Isn't that great healthcare?

In August 2017, we found out that my mother has stage 1 breast cancer. In October, she had a grueling double mastectomy. Watching her go through that has been incredibly sobering but also heartbreaking. You really start to value the things you have and those around you. If it weren't for her going into the doctor for a return period (after 14 years of menopause), then she would never have found out. My mother is my best friend. So this entire process has been heartwrenching for myself and Jude. Jude wanted nothing more than to hug his grandma but knew she had boo-boos and could not. Seeing his little self be so careful like she'd break... it was so sad (but also precious).

Finally, we lost a lot of people this year. In the celebrity world, we lost: Jim Nabors, Fats Domino, Tom Petty, Hugh Hefner, Harry Dean Stanton, Glen Campbell, John Heard, George Romero, Martin Landau, Adam West (I'll cry forever for this one), Gregg Allman, Roger Moore (007), Bill Paxton, Mary Tyler Moore, and John Hurt (infinite frowns here). There was some loss in my family as well. Most recently, we lost my great-great Aunt Si-Si (Sylvia Sullo Bologna) and we lost Caleb's grandfather (Kenneth Samuel Hardbarger). The world is so much darker now.

There was some positives in 2017. I'll use this time to include photos.





















This year has definitely had more bad than good. I have survived it though. As have you, if you're reading this. I'm determined now more than ever to make my life better in 2018. No matter what happens, no matter the obstacles. I will try really hard to keep a positive mental attitude and to be happy. My main goal is happiness. So goodbye, 2017, you were the worst. Here's to 2018, where I hope for he best.