I stopped blogging. I stopped blogging. I stopped blogging.
I wanted to. I just couldn’t bring myself to. I couldn’t find the words to say. I couldn’t find the time. That killed me inside. I love writing. I love expressing myself in this way. Even the television shows I used to love and blog about weren’t what I wanted to express.
I was busy in the last half of 2018. I had to find myself again. I took the longest break from blogging that I have probably ever done. But that’s okay. It’s okay to focus on yourself. To stop doing things that require time and energy to be the person you want to be.
2018 brought a lot of new and ended a lot of old. When I started the year 2018, I was a different person. I was depressed. I was sick. I was in a marriage where we both were not happy. I was spending my time between WVSU, doctor’s offices, and home. It was a constant struggle. I was losing weight. I wanted to die. I didn’t want to go on and live through the rest of the year. I felt alone and losing longtime friends did not help that. I didn’t think it would improve... but it did.
I graduated with my master’s degree. I bought a house. Jude started school. I got healthier. I got happier. Caleb and I decided to end a 6 year relationship because we both were not happy and it was over a long time before that. I felt like I was in a place of finding myself again. The potential of happiness and life improving was at my fingertips. I grasped every straw I could to find a place of content.
I took boudoir photos and posed in art sketching classes. I learned to love my body. I learned what I loved again and I learned what made me happy (and what to avoid that would make me sad). I became a person that I wanted to be and made life enjoyable.
Jude started school. I worked two jobs. We were in an okay place. The last thing I wanted was a relationship. Not because my heart wasn’t ready. We just didn’t want any extra stress. Then... Trey Sunderland fell back into my life. We met each other at State six years ago before I even met Caleb. He is everything I could ever want and more. He’s perfect with Jude. I can never thank him enough for the light he has brought into my life.
2019 will be better.