Mental Health

It's been a while since I've blogged. I've been struggling a lot, mentally/emotionally/physically. I don't think I have blogged in about a month (if not longer). This was a good outlet for me, but I started getting what I call "bad" again so I took a step away.

I don't know what brought it on. Granted, mental illness does not need a reason to start causing issues as a person with depression does not a reason to be sad. It made me too terrified to drive. It made me lose interest in leaving the house. Anxiety/panic attacks were starting to come back. I started losing sleep. I started slacking in general.

I wanted to just feel normal as most people that I talk to with mental illnesses do. Normal is a subjective word that has a different definition from person to person. I hate the feeling that sometimes I just want everything to stop so I can just stop feeling like crap. That is a dark thought that I push back into the back of my brain when I get "bad".

I have things to live for and I just have to take the time to remember that. The worst part is when I feel alone and I need someone to tell me that it'll be okay. It seems that a lot of times those who claim to be "best friends" or "there when I need them" will disappear when I need them. So the struggle gets hard and dark and heavy on your back. You're trying to wade out of the fog by yourself.

Why can't I just be normal and exist like everyone else does? Why do I have to struggle to do simple things that everyday adults can do? Why do I have to either do counseling/therapy or take medication to "feel" closer to normal? I don't want to. So I don't.

The ending of this story is that I'm fighting hard to get back to my sense of normalcy. The normalcy I've felt for the last few years at least. To a world of manageable anxiety and depression that doesn't destroy my self-worth and willingness to continue on in the world.

The worst part? An estimated 350 million people suffer from depression worldwide and 40 million people suffer from anxiety in the United States. Why is there still as stigma that if we talk about our feelings or reach out for help or post on the internet about how badly we feel... that we want attention or we want babied or whatever ridiculous thing the general population will bitch about next? The attention we want is support. No "I'm sorry"s. No "I'm there if you need to talk". Just support. How can you give someone support? Ask what they need. Just listen. Sit there with them in the dark if you need to. Just give some support. That one bit of support may be enough to get them through an episode or the day or just life. Please don't turn your back on a large part of the population. We need you to understand.

Blogging will return slowly but surely. I thought this was a good start.


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